Let’s F*cking Go!!!
Ever thought your life is like a television series? Season to season hosted on a bed of eclectic episodes. Diverse character types, starring roles, and hidden meanings galore. Can you visualize this?
If your life was about to release a new season or episode, how would it go? What would we see - in the spot promotion, the 2-minute trailer, in the major themes?
I have given this a little thought and envision my Season 2, Episode 1 going like this…
I’m at a bus station. About to leave on a faraway journey. The idling bus has a sign propped up on the dashboard “Destination Unknown.”
Everyone from past episodes is there to pay their respects, say goodbye. They are huddled up, heads down and barely talking. Truth is, they are sad about my decision to leave them behind. Guilt, regret, depression, all my bad habits, failure, shame, addiction, delusion, anxiety, heartache - the whole cast of characters are there. Even all the shoulda, coulda, woulda’s show up to bid me farewell. For better or worse, each play major roles in my past episodes. I smile and hug each one of them. I express honest appreciation for the positive and negative impact they made. I wouldn’t be in the lead role of this series without their involvement. Not to mention they influenced me to write this next chapter.
Despite all of them seeming down and out, I’m vibing. I’m upbeat, excited, ready. I haven’t even departed yet and I can see new beginnings, laughter, and clarity on the horizon.
I’m travel super light. My backpack is compact and holds only bare essentials. A crisp new journal, felt tip pen, headphones, couple of thought-provoking books, a sleeping bag and a few choice pieces of clothing including a swimsuit. Everything I need to step boldly into what’s next.
The driver pulls out a hand hammered Tibetan gong to signal our departure time. Fitting for someone eager to journey within. I wave to everyone one last time and step onto the FUN Bus! I feel like I’m floating. The time has come to leave what has been and discover what will be.
My stomach butterflies flutter while my conviction remains calm. I’ve made the right choice to go. I can tell by seeing the people already onboard - they are full of joy, consciousness and freedom. Let’s fucking go!!!
I slip on my headphones. The gravelly voice of Bruce Springsteen singing Growing Up drowns out the world around me. Then comes the soulful lyrics of Corinne Bailey Ray Is This Love. I relax back into my seat.
Risk and unknown litter the road ahead. Uncertainty is blowing everywhere. Skepticism, doubt and what if’s try to attach themselves to the front bumper as the bus picks up speed - they can’t hold on. Thoughts of “my life sucks” and “I’m not worthy” disappear in the rearview. I start to feel confident, present and alive. I’ve got nothing to prove and yet I have purpose. Just be.
Follow-on scenes swirl through a kaleidoscope of adventures. My spiritual evolution is a major theme. At one point, I’m on the rim of a remote canyon in southwest Utah leaning into solo camping, meditation sits, yoga on the rocks, burning sage brush and sleeping out under star filled darkness.
Clarity ensues. I see visions of myself sitting with people, listening to their stories, sharing space, and weighing in on their own direction. I find pleasure in pushing strangers (mostly men) to adjust their chosen direction - just a few degrees off from what they originally charted. This slight tweak is guaranteed to untap reserves of inner courage.
Faith in helping others leads to heightened self-awareness. This feels like a gift. Higher consciousness is achieved by connecting more deeply to the people I meet along the way. What could be better!
The further I get, the more I let go. I unload gloom, loneliness and self-hatred. I release my grip - on controlling results or trying to outsmart what’s next. I find peace in realizing that tornadoes and hurricanes have and always will sit behind puffy white clouds and bright blue skies.
Throughout all of this, I move through the backwoods of Vermont, the heart of Boston, the beaches of Rhode Island, the concert halls of California, and through the most beautiful and unexpected spots across Cambodia, Vietnam, Australia, Africa, and South America.
I am reminded that manufacturing our attitude is helpful but not a bulletproof shield. We are not impervious. Like it or not, we will move through meat grinders, birds will shit on us, disasters will strike. Even our own mortality will show up. This journey re-introduces me to my own humanity. I accept who I am. I see that the answer is love.
Perhaps most visceral in this new season is the absence of fear. Both my feet have left the dock. I’m all in. I drink from the fountain of academic, psychedelic, and soulful experiences. I enjoy knee deep powder, neck deep rivers, and waist deep quicksand. I dive into the ocean of Self and swim willingly through light and dark waters. I get personal with the fragility of our existence.
Scene fades. Credits roll. Tune in next time for episode 2.
// Christopher Robbins