Bracing for Change

Can’t tell if I’m bracing for physical loss or emotional overwhelm or if I’m even bracing?  I might be reeling or just standing still - deer in the headlights. Why is this important? Everybody, not just me, is staring down the barrel of reality as the days of August tick away.

Reality of what – how life isn’t always a vacation? How August brings a change in temperature, a change of grade, new teachers, classes, expectations and a switch from the beach to the playground.      

I see change everywhere.

I feel my eldest daughter excitedly charting her semester abroad - 3300 miles east of Boston.  I watch my middle daughter anxiously packing up for college – her freshman year – 2900 miles west of Boston. In a matter of weeks, I will be easing back into a 15 minute morning and evening commute to shuttle my youngest son to/fro school.  And reluctantly, I share a tiny closet with my wife, who rips it up every Sunday in preparation for her new television schedule - 4 day-weekly trips to NYC – 190 miles southwest of Boston.

I see opportunity everywhere. 

Sawyer is going to re-ignite her passion for global travel, immerse herself in Spain and make new friends. Kendall is going to step out of her 18 year bubble and begin to chase a lifelong dream at USC in California. Oakley, while not expecting it, is going to grow up physically, mentally, and emotionally while discovering more of himself than he has ever known, thanks in large part to the self-actualization that happens when applying to new schools.  And Mel is about to step in front of 100M households and use the power of communication to improve people’s lives – lights, camera, action. 

So where does that leave me. Looking into my crystal ball, watching the next 30 days unfold, I see so much joy and happiness, anxiety and heartache, expression and frustration, loneliness and pain. I feel the anticipation and adventure of watching Sawyer blend into the security line at Logan Airport. I see my own tears of excitement and sadness, leaving Kendall on the doorstep of her new dorm room. I am cautiously optimistic for the steep learning curve that Oakley will be scaling. I get goose bumps by the energy and enthusiasm that is rolling off of Mel’s tongue as her experience on camera continues to affirm her skill as a talk show host and her vision for making a profound difference (in all of our lives). 

I also see a quiet home, a new puppy, autumn bike rides, a dream trip to Ireland, NYC/CBS studio visits, homework headaches, two boys eating simple dinners, moments of peace, loneliness, clarity, the leaves turning, a deeper sense of self, and so on.

I see myself trying to be ever present to these coming and goings and trying to find a means of capturing it– maybe in my mind, perhaps through my pen, but definitely in my heart which seems to feel as though it’s beating harder and harder with each day passing. 

I’m not certain to be succeeding – at remaining ever present - but I’m getting closer.  I can feel it. 

// Christopher Robbins